


Need somebody to lean on

by Vault_Emblem



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Constipation, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem
Summary: Sometimes things are just… hard.Being with his family has reminded him of a time in which he wasn’t the one people go to in order to seek guidance. Even for a short while, it was nice not being the reliable one anymore.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	Need somebody to lean on

There has been a lot on Caduceus’ mind lately: he found his family again; they were all petrified but fortunately his friends helped him with that, and now he’s saying goodbye again.

He could go back with them, but he would be lying if he said that he really wanted to. He’s been home for so many years - alone, he’s been home alone - that even with the company of his parents and siblings he doubts he’d feel any more comfortable. Besides, he feels like he still has a purpose with these people, with the Mighty Nein.

He likes being with them, and they must like him in return or else they wouldn’t want it to stick around, and Caduceus wants to see where the road will lead them.

Still, sometimes things are just… hard.

Being with his family has reminded him of a time in which he wasn’t the one people go to in order to seek guidance. Even for a short while, it was nice not being the reliable one anymore.

Not that he doesn’t enjoy his role, especially since, in his modest opinion, he’s pretty good at it, but sometimes he just wants to let it go, to rely on somebody else.

He tries to be a rock to the others, a steady presence that they can lean on, but keeping this façade up is _tiring_ more than one could imagine, and as much as Caduceus likes to think that he - if he was to use Beau’s words - “has his shit together”, that isn’t actually the case, or at least not always.

As of now, he’s never allowed himself to crumble in front of the others, but only when he’s alone, in privacy. A part of him still feels embarrassed by this need, and he knows he would feel bad if he tried to rely on the others when they have so much on their plate already.

This how things have been for a while… but even that can change.

It’s all new to him, but recently he and Fjord have begun to… see each other. Maybe “see” isn’t the exact word for it - they saw each other plenty even before - but now they spend more time together than they used to, and this time gets spent in various ways. Sometimes they don’t even do a thing and they just stay there, cuddled wherever they find a place, and let time pass in silence, enjoying each other’s company. Other times there are kisses and caresses, but that’s pretty much the gist of it.

When Fjord came too him - it feels like so long ago - Caduceus of course did all he could to help him. He guided him through this new path, and he can’t help but to be happy about how much he has flourished.

What he wasn’t expecting is for Fjord to repay the courtesy. He doesn’t even think he realizes it, but being able to stay like this, just the two of them, in peace and quiet, does a lot to Caduceus. It helps him calm his nerves, it helps him stay focused when he needs to or distract himself when he doesn’t. It’s… it’s very good.

Fjord always stays with him and never complains about his presence. He asks Caduceus what he needs, and even if all the answers he manages to find are always vague - “as long as you’re here, I’m good” is the most common - he still does his best to comply, always with a smile on his lips.

Eventually the day comes when Caduceus’ calm façade crumbles, and Fjord’s there to catch him when he falls.

It starts quietly, just a few sniffles, his whole body trembling. Fjord doesn’t say anything when Caduceus turns to him and hugs him closer. They’ve been in bed for a while, so maybe he should try to hold on - what if the others come looking for them? - but he’s too tired, and Fjord’s so warm and welcoming that he simply can’t resist.

Even as tears flow down his face, Caduceus remains silent, not wanting to spoil the moment with too much noise. Now Fjord has gone to pet his hair, humming, telling him that everything’s fine and that he’s got him. It’s thanks to those words that Caduceus is able to let go, to unwind his frustration and the things he holds inside, crying on Fjord’s shoulder while the other soothes him with a gentleness and care that, although expected on Fjord’s part, still make this moment important for him.

Eventually, Caduceus’ crying quiets down, and he falls into the pleasurable drowsiness that comes after one cries their heart out. Fjord still hasn’t stopped with the soft touches and Caduceus is grateful for it. When he looks up at him, his eyes are still red from the effort, but he’s smiling, a smile that Fjord returns.

“Better?” he asks, and Caduceus nods.

“Much better, thank you,” he says, voice still coarse. When he looks down he notices the mess he’s made on Fjord’s shoulders. This time when he talks, he’s a bit more sheepish, “Sorry…”

“It’s fine, it’ll dry on its own,” Fjord replies, and Caduceus is never been more grateful for having found him.

He gets distracted when Fjord’s hand moves to his cheek for a soft caress.

“You know you can come to me any time you feel like this, right?” he says, “You don’t have to wait until you can’t hold it in anymore, ok?”

It’s very kind of Fjord, but Caduceus doesn’t know if he’d actually manage to do it. Maybe with time…

“I’ll try,” he says, because this is what he can promise without it being a lie.

How can Fjord appear vulnerable so easily? No, that’s unfair for Caduceus to think that: he knows that it hasn’t been easy for Fjord too, but he trusts his friends and he trusts him, enough to be able to open up in a way that Caduceus, for now, can only dream of doing. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to; it would be only fair. Besides, it feels good having someone he can rely on without fear of judgement.

“I promise you I’ll try.”

**Author's Note:**

> I actually had the idea for this ship a very long time ago, and in fact at first it was Fjord the one who was supposed to cry, but then stuff happened and there's so much stuff already about this, so I thought to reverse their roles. Caduceus deserves it.


End file.
